First things first:  Matt's tater tot is a terrible deceiver - Macy is doing that thing with her hands on the backpack again and will not be able to stop it until I release her from mind control.  Blue.  Apple.  Kleenex.

Now - The internet does not have the answers. It raises more questions. And creates a lot of room for weird people filming themselves.

What was the world like before the internet? More mysterious. More interesting. All of the secrets of people – from your administrative assistant to the king of Spain are revealed in Facebook profiles. It has made everything into a nude beach. I liked when the world was clothed. I could not see its breasts before, but now that I do, I am disappointed with the sag I see (figuratively). When we could imagine its beauty rather than have its saddlebags stuck into our face, it was a happier thing. Check out depression in this world. I bet that as television came into being – depression increased. Simply because we lost the wonder of what might be and we were enabled to see both good and evil with the press of a button.

I am out of ideas. All my attempts to fix me are not working. And it does not feel like the right option to simply survive the onslaught. The Lord gives me strength no doubt. But it is a tight third set battle on clay in 100 degree heat and I am dressed in a sweater. I want to believe that this is my time for endurance. But how much weaker can I become? I am not panicking. I am not in despair. But I am weaker than I have ever been – or at least weaker for longer than I have ever been.

Huge realization: Work stress has a lot to do with this feeling – this is mostly stress – do not diagnose yourself as a maniac when you are really just underneath things that have been outside of your ability for too long – Now I will ask for help – will delegate – will not try to prove my worth at the Wesley – I will slow down – I will take the things I can handle – I will recover in Jesus and live well.

117 is hiding in my shelving unit - might need a restraining order...