This past month has definitely been the hardest month since I have moved here. I want to thank you all for your prayers; they have been welcomed and needed. Even though this month has been hard, the Lord has continued to provide for me and has really been moving and using me to be his vessel. The verse that has been on my heart this past month is Romans 5:1-5:
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
This verse doesn’t say “if you suffer for the Lord,” it clearly states that we will suffer for the Lord! I believe there are many types of sufferings for the gospel, anywhere from physical persecution to attack from the enemy (Satan). I have a newfound respect for the enemy in knowing that he is present and he is definitely jealous of my relationship with the Lord.
My first three months here have been full of tremendous Spiritual growth in the Lord, and the enemy is truly jealous of that. Over this past month, the enemy has attacked me with sins from my past, and my struggle over my life with depression. The first two weeks were difficult because I wanted to hide this struggle from my community, not knowing how they would react. This was a lie from the enemy that I fed in to.
“You aren’t wanted. You aren’t loved. No one understands. You have to go through this alone. You don’t deserve the Lord’s love. You don’t deserve to worship God. You are sinful. You are worthless.”
I couldn’t worship the Lord, I wanted to be alone, I wanted to run, but I didn’t. The Lord kept putting people in my life to encourage and uplift me, which in turn allowed me to encourage others. I definitely knew the Lord was using me because I didn’t have the strength or will to be intentional with others, to love others, or to keep up constant encouragement, yet the Lord said: “You be obedient to me, I will continue to bless and use you!” So that’s what I did; I made the decision to be obedient to the Lord in every aspect of my life. This is what true worship is: being obedient to the Lord no matter what. Even if I don’t feel like worshipping the Lord, it is what He deserves! He deserves everything I can give Him, in every aspect of my life! I made this decision at UNITE one Friday night. UNITE is the joining of college ministries here at Texas Tech on Friday night to worship the Lord and IGNITE a revival and passion to bring others into the Body of Christ. Low and behold, I made this decision and was given the opportunity to speak the next Friday night at UNITE. What did I speak about you ask? Well wouldn’t you know….The Meaning of TRUE Worship!
The Lord definitely has a sense of humor sometimes.
Not only did I get the opportunity to teach and speak to students about obedience being the true worship to God, the Lord blessed me financially as well. In a matter of less than a week I received over $400 of support, $150 coming from a freshman named Taylor who I have been pouring into over the past month and a half. The Lord put it on his heart to support me, and that’s what he did. I am truly blessed.
