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Hey Wesley,
I was not arrested for or told to cease and desist from blogging on this site after my latest two rants - So, here I am again sliding a few more weird thoughts and advertisements into the minds of the young and impressionable as my mentors Socrates and Penny Wilson taught me to do.
And this blog is specifically for those of you who have been inspired by McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy or Taye Diggs on Private Practice to become good-looking, wealthy doctors who look really great in HD. Or its just for those of you who want to get into Medical School.
(How does this specific blog apply to the Wesley website? You are college students who might want to legally cut people up one day so that meets the demographic requirement - Also Jesus is known as the Great Physician so that meets the spiritual requirements. Perfectly justified.)
Anyway, I'll keep it short and sweet and make this about the MCAT since that is the first major hurdle one has to leap over to become a candidate for med school.
(which by the way is as stupid as the system can get - so many brilliant great people have test anxiety and thus cannot pass this standardized exam - typical American silliness)
Here is my Top Ten MCAT preparation list:
10. While studying your MCAT materials and MCAT books, listen only to The Cure. (The perfect band for doctors)
9. Watch as much of the TV show House as you possibly can. That doc may be off the air, but he was the real deal.
8. Only wear scrubs as clothing. And forget any underwear. Real docs don't wear anything under their scrubs. Get used to what it feels like to dress for Doctor success.
7. Practice washing your hands seventy five times after every trip to the bathroom and wear medical gloves while outside of the house to at least appear sterile. This will build trust with your neighbors and other spheres of influence.
6. Watch the movie Garden State five straight times the night before the test. Zack Braff is in it and he was the comedic superstar from the TV show Scrubs. Watching a movie with Zack Braff in it will give you indirect access to his medical brilliance and could bring you close to aceing the MCAT. That's why I don't suggest watching a season of Scrubs because direct contact with it could make you too ready for the test and lead you to perform a successful heart transplant on one of the proctors of your test rather than actually completing the test.
5. Bathe in blood. I do not know how you will personally access the blood and I am certainly not suggesting stealing it from a blood bank or killing anything as I had to do in preparation, but I cannot tell you how amazing it is to not have any reaction to the blood spills that occur in hospital settings because of your old spa treatments. I can just about assure you that Sissy Spacek who played the lead role in Stephen King's movie Carrie became a great doctor as a result of the pig blood bath she received at prom. This will also make you ready to become intimate with any vampires you meet while traveling through the Forks region.
4. Take practice tests after performing a tracheotomy on yourself with household utensils. Then when the real test rolls around and you are not allowed to jam something hollow and sharp into your throat, you will relax and all your test taking anxieties will flee.
3. Pray a ton before you take the actual test. It is the only way you have a chance to pass unless you were born a genius or are a great bubble guesser.
2. Take three hours a day to publicly scream aloud the MCAT score you need. There is something about repetitious public screaming that makes people both memorable and successful. Look at Mimes. They never scream and look where they ended up.
1. Visit the website www.mcatpowerpack.com, buy everything on there, memorize every sentence and let me know when I can come see you about my hemorrhoids, Doctor.
Hope this helped.
I am all about you and your future success prior to you dying and standing before the Almighty God and explaining yourself. For that test, try Jesus.
Yes, I know I am not a pro minister anymore.
I work for a media company and I wrestle with Google daily to get websites to rank highly, which is different than wrestling angels, grabbing Hildebrand's upper thigh or even boxing Johnny Kim.
But I still love God even though I don't get a heavenly paycheck so I have re-raided the site as an intruder.
And I've gotta ask a simple question that has been rolling around in my head:
Is the Lord's prayer treasonous?
In other words, when Jesus teaches His closest followers to pray, isn't he encouraging at least anti-patriotism?
Have you ever thought about the words you are praying when you say that common prayer - consider these:
"Our Father Who is in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."
If I was Homeland Security, I would keep an eye on anyone who spoke those words - Why?
Because that dangerous utterer is calling on God to rule as the sovereign - not just in Heaven - but on this earth. It is a call for the immediate overthrow of human power and human systems. His "Kingdom come" does not mean we are asking for a nice merge of His system with Democracy and Capitalism - It is saying that we want Him to be the government and the governor and the policy maker over and against the system we live within.
It is asking the most powerful Being in the universe to come down and unseat our President, our Congress and our Judicial system and take over - to change the way we go about living.
It is a reminder to ourselves and those around us that we do not prefer it here. We prefer it there. And we prefer "there" to "here" so much that we want "here" to be taken over by "there" asap.
With those words we recall that we are not citizens of any system on this planet - that we are citizens of another empire altogether - one with a flag blood red that makes us boldly white when we salute it.
The Lord's prayer is why I do not put my hand over my heart when the National Anthem plays - It is why I hate seeing the American (or any national) flag waving on church stages everywhere. It is why I do not vote for President. It is why I do not stop at red lights (kidding).
I have a Kingdom and a King and I am loudly calling out for Him when I pray that prayer because I know He is the only Being who can satisfy me.
You have a kingdom too.
Are you daring enough to call out for it and no other?
I'm not asking for a fight here. Not trying to rankle anyone with my interpretations. Really just trying to encourage all of us to KNOW that we are part of the BEST Empire and belong to the BEST Leader.
So, when the world disappoints you don't bother mourning it as if it was supposed to lift you to the clouds - Fix your eyes on who He has made you to be, fellow alien.
With love and treason - BD
PS: Since I still live on this planet and have a job tricking Google - I leave you with the following good places to store your excess junk until the clouds open...
I am Ben Donley and I have not tasted this blog in some time. And I am hungry. Buffet hungry.
In fact, since leaving the wonderful Wesley staff due to my uncontrollable flatulence and tendency to punch freshmen in the solar plexii (for those confused by my disappearance), I have truly missed the opportunity to infect the minds of young adults.
So, I hacked into the system with my pumped up sticks and find myself in the position of Socrates - not long dead and skeletal - but with a chance to deliver wis-dumb to Texas Tech students who not only love Jesus but who believe in casting lots, teleportation, Sasquatch, radio wave eating aliens, dating services, ping-pong passion, bucket list pant-peeing on campus and bathroom etiquette (flushing one's doo-doo logs rather than leaving them in the toilet bowl for all to admire - Kurtis).
Most of you do not know me - that is best for you.
I left Wesley for a while to take a Sabbatical to Las Vegas where monasteries are common. Brilliant move, people. Best Decision I ever made.
You want to deepen your walk with Jesus - I strongly suggest a move to Las Vegas, where purity and sinlessness is common. It is a place where all women wear un-tempting dress - usually cloaking themselves in thick robes and never washing their bodies or teeth so that their stench reviles all males.
It is a place where all men take Jesus seriously in cutting off every thing that causes them to sin - Most men I met there were blind, deaf, mute, lobotomized, immobile torsos with excellent hatchet and ice pick skills.
I heard there was gambling there but I was wrong. It has all been taken away and replaced with petting zoo tables.
Nudey-shows - no way. They have been replaced with puppetry and vaudeville acts.
Prostitution - more like Pro-church-solutions.
What a wonderful world!!!
But then I came back to Lubbock and was swept away into vengeful sin and strong currents of badness.
Lubbock a good place to raise a family? Not even close. It is like a huge nudist colony of drunken debauchery and burrito stores.
I was feeling lost and helpless the other day as the darkness of Lubbock, Texas tried to overtake me, until I dropped by the Wesley Foundation where I got to see and sense the presence of the Holy Spirit emanating through incredible students and especially director Al Martin - whose head glows like Moses post-God mountain time.
Anyway, just wanted to say hey in this space and give a shout out to my new employers who you might want to use in the near future -
What am I doing now?
I considered getting my online MD and going into OB-GYN surgery - Basically being a plastic surgeon for fetuses who want to come into the world looking really good...
But I thought it too easy - why waste my time on baby augmentations when I could help companies land on the front page of Google? Why not be an SEO guru for local storage companies so that University students will know where to store their valuable items in safe, dust-free, climate controlled units?
So - here is some really good advice I hope you will take.
If you run out of space in your house, apartment, dorm or clown shoes - do yourself a favor and use the following storage facilities:
www.addaclosetstorageoflubbock.com, www.advancedstorageoflubbock.com, www.storagetodaylubbock.com, www.affordablestoragelubbock.com,www.aplusmidlandstorage.com, www.aplussuperstorage.com, www.storagesanangelo.com, www.storagetodaysanangelo.com, selfstorageoflubbock.com
It will help me and help you and help stop people from making more weird statues on Glenna Goodacre.
This is my shameless plug. I apologize to sexy webmaster Zack Esgar and woman of the year - Penny Wilson.
It is also a hello from the weirdest guy you would ever know.
Please note and not be offended by my sarcasm - Shake thy salt daily - and be filled with the Holy Spirit as you keep your eyes fixed on God's glorious coming Kingdom -
Read Galatians Chapter 5 and Psalm 73 from the Message daily -
Know Lady Gaga is not a real person -
Go Texas Tech men's basketball as you enter the Final Four!
Blessings friends and strangers
I am out!!!
While reading through the book of James the other day, I found myself wrestling with this particular verse:
"In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
Many times throughout my walk with Christ I have heard sermons and messages that say, "All Christ asks of us is to believe." I don't know about you, but that's seems pretty easy. If that's the key to eternal life, then this whole Christianity thing is going to be walk in the park. Unfortunately, there was a part of me that thought this way, and for those who may still believe this, SPOILER ALERT: it's not that simple.
Many ask why is faith not enough? Or, why aren't my deeds enough? Why isn't my personal relationship with Christ enough?
The first time I read this passage, I was asking the same questions. Then I was reminded of this really great analogy that really helped me comprehend what James is talking about.
Throughout scripture the analogy of God being the potter and we being the clay is used. This meaning that when we give our lives to Him, He will mold us and make us new. The way a potter makes a pot is to put the clay on a spinning table and form it as it turns. It is much more difficult for the potter to mold the clay when it is sitting still and complacent. The same goes for our relationship with Him. God can best mold us in the people He wants us to be when we are turning our faith in action and constantly striving to grow closer to Him.
Do we need to have faith? Yes, but like James says, what good is faith without deeds. How are you spreading the kingdom of God by sitting alone and not doing the works He has commanded us all to do? We must be acting to continue to spread the kingdom of God as well as build our own relationship with our savior Jesus Christ.
It seems as though the laziness of our society has carried over into our relationship with God. So many of us look at our faith the same way we do a diet, "What's one quick and easy thing I can do to get results I want?" Our faith has become the same thing. We try to find the one quick and easy thing that will please God enough that He will bless us and one day grant us eternal life. It's not just about praying more. It's not just about reading the Bible more. It's not just about doing more community service. It's about doing all these things and finding balance between them all.
Seem a little overwhelming? Don't worry, you're not alone. It's not easy living a Christ-like life, it's a battle everyday. Jesus warned us from the start that we will be persecuted and hated because of him, but thankfully that's not where the story ends, for James also writes:
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
Stay faithful to God, and turn that faith into action.
Noah and his family have some crazy faith.
13 So God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. 14 So make yourself an ark ........
A ya okay whatever God that sounds a bit harsh....Hmmm...He is actually serious about this. Think about what would go through your head if you were Noah. There had to be definite periods of doubting God. But you go through with it and build an ark. Then all these animals just start calmly showing up and line up to hop in with you. Noah believes and acts in faith. He probably had to sacrifice like all of his wages and resources to build such a big boat.
